The Woman, the Umbrella and the Path

Voices.

2006-10-25T16:11:00.000+08:00

"Let everyone do exercise the art they know best" (or something like that) - i forgot who said that.

So don't go where you're not supposed to go and sing what you're not supposed sing or listen to what you're not supposed to. Getting a cold shoulder is what you least want in the world.

The weekend was the best ever. From meeting an old school friend to going for Arrant End's gig.

It's funny how we change over the years. Physically, mentally and whatever-ally. The sissies, the tomboys, the act-cool guys, bimbos, the nerds, the pervs and the people who just couldn't care more. Oh i love Primary School. Where pressure was nothing and vulgar boys were never heard of. The cheap canteen food, recess soccer and instances where girls would cry becuase of the immature selves of boys (they still happen though). Oh the old times. I'd like a time machine. No not the Tv, Bong.

Sometimes i wish some things never happened. But everyone know's it's impossible. Bad things happen for reasons. Shape us if they will. Maybe it's just St. Gabriel's where they just keep wanting to beat up people for no reason. Us boys have just gotten more cement. Maybe. maybe.

Abandon saosin sexys, sinking ship.

These are 2 of the pics i took on Sunday.

The crowd loving me(obvious with the middle fingers pointed straight at me. Haha! They were getting ready to you-know-what.

The friendly looking guy on the right kept pulling my shirt to take pictures of him and his decent friends. At first he was gna punch me but no, he even gave me a kiss. Cool huh?

hola.

2006-10-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

we're gna spearhead into the holidays soon and i still haven't found a part-time job.
it's funny how i had a buy list when i thought that kabloop at O'brien's was gna give us the job. but no.... his men came back to replace us boys. haha. oh well. maybe a better offer in store?

i wonder what i'm gna do during holidays.
okay enough of blogging abt these stupid crap.

Laguna Beach 3 is the show man. it's really cool. but i guess the past seasons were much better. ah who cares. they're abt the same thing:
1. Bitching
2.Someone hooking up with someone else's boy/girlfriend
3. Partying

that's how boring their life is. well maybe not. it look fun and all but seeing all the problems they have, i'd still have my life.
they get pampered real well. they've got heaps of friends that they think they really have. and it's funny. they definition of friendship is real screwed but it's kinda cool if you look at it at a different way. haha. Tessa looks reall nice. haha.
If you can, i urge you to watch it on YouTube.com. watch and its either one thing or another that you'll feel:
1. Jealous
2.Contented
3.Amused

It's funny how the outdoors are much brighter and inviting, declaring they're safe.
The indoors are much dull and unappetizing, repeling people.
Ironic that it's the other way around on how they work.
Safe and boring or dangerous and fun? It's things like these that change our lives. Our decisions shape our minds and maybe our bodies too. haha.

Go on daredevil, choose.

Corny? sorry

Ha Ha Hee Hee

2006-10-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hiya everybody.

It's been appoximately 7 months since i've logged on and posted.
Life has turned around for me. Maybe a little less than full. but i'm certainly more happy.
Arent we all now eh?

From now to at least the end of the holidays, i hereby swear to entertain you little kids while your time on the page. If not, i'll give you free ice cream. Savvy?

It's too late now so i'm gna sleep. My pillow is calling and the stars are failling, so til' then i leave you with some quotes from people who'd i'd give 2 hands to listen to. Nah maybe not 2 hands.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". --Gandhi

"While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us." -- Ben Franklin

hi

2006-03-15T11:15:00.000+08:00

i'm back after a while.. haven't been using the computer much..

well.. birthday just passed.. nothing to blog about that..
nothing special of a day. oh well.

i've figured that i won't being using this space as much as i wish.
thats cos what i think isn't important anymore i guess..
and i'm too busy studying anyway.
cos that's all i do.
not much time for people; they don't have time for me.

someone tell me whats the meaning of a friend.
and aso a best friend.. someone tell me.
cos i don't feel like any. nevermind.
although one is there most of the times. you know who you are.
talking to you everyday can't make me feel any better than this.
Gracias mi amigo.. yo lo significo.
haha.. freetranslator..

well.. here's to this year..

the minstrel's prayer:
shelter me oh genius words
just give me strength
just to pen these things
and give me peace to well her wings
and oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
we will catch our ladies ear
we will win for us the girl

and i'll hold on to the dream
of this beggar's plea and optimistic fantasy
just hold the hand and drop the knee
you're facing love
you're embracing melody

the world is crashing. and my bawling continues

2006-02-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Safith, Avery, Bong, Kenneth and Joey.
i'm so so sorry.
things will nvr work out for me.
no matter how much i try, he just doesn't understand it.
jamming is an inspiration to me. not my aspiration.

i'm bawling my eyes out and trying my best to see where i went wrong.
i don't know where. i guess this is where insecurity comes to the picture.

guys, i hope you understand.. i know you guys will blame me.
cos i deserve to be blamed. i'm the dream-crusher for you guys aren't i?
its gna be hard for me for the next few months. i'm so sorry if i'll have to change.
i dunno if i'll have the courage again.

someone take this away.
anyone? God? please?

crisis 2

2006-02-12T19:37:00.000+08:00

it's hard when people pressure you to do things you can't control.
so i've concluded from now on, i will have a mind of my own and be really decisive now.

i've grown tired following people.
i've grown tired of people following me.

a list of i-don't-cares follows.

i don't care if people call me a nerd.
i don't care what people label me anymore.
i don't care cos i shouldn't be compared to anyone.
i'm myself and no one is Paolo Avril Santiago Alvarez.
i don't care if i look like i'm part of some hip-hop crew with my my large headphones.
i don't care cos i'm pretty sure my headphones are much better than yours.
i don't care if people call me an anti-social. it's just who i am.
i don't care if people want to keep secrets from me..
cos everyone just loves doing that. and i don't know why.
and the list goes on.

i'm sick of people who don't mean what they say.
words like "best friends", "homie" and "bro" need to be redefined seriously.
people are using them as a sub for "hey" or "lah". and it's sick. REALLY STUPID.
so consider before calling me one on those. cos please. treat me like you should if you're going to call me like that.

you cease the joy i apprize. no one to talk to and nothing to talk about.
so ill take music to be my listener and friend.
people don't understand that i'm not like anyone else.
they just don't know psychology and the different ways to to talk to different people.

so with this. i don't see any reason not to stick to my habit of having my headphones on
while people watse their time talking. i won't take any chances.

i'll study like a nerd and play like i should.
cos i've decdided that i don't want to be a loser.
i've woken up from that "i'm too young" belief.
i'll start to plan ahead.
so one of my goals is 4 points for o levels.
this where everyone goes, "oh paolo, you're crazy"
"you know you can't that high", "keep dreaming".
hah! its possible and i will work and strive for it.
no one's stopping me from believing that.

so with that, i end this apathetic post in hope that everyone
would understand the things that i'm doing for myself.
this doesn't mean i've become selfish.

*the power of thinking without thinking*

Deny it, but I am alone here
I always feared this place
I never thought it'd end this way
Deny it, but I am alone
Another nameless face
Deny it, but I am alone here
I always feared this place
I never thought it'd end this way
Deny it, but I am alone
Please don't forget my name
Deny it, but I am alone

CNY. egh.

2006-01-30T11:04:00.000+08:00

i hate Chinese New Year.
haha. it's the time where everyone would would be poking me
with their Love Letters and its irritating. haha

yesterday, it was so wierd seeing Plaza Sing so empty i swear.
i thought something happened. and i remembered that it was this time of the year.
there was basically no one around! it scared the shit out of me. haha.
my eyes are so used to see Singapore always crowded wherever you go.
sub-concious mind i guess.

my tonsils are fine now.
i can swallow without pain. no amputation for me.
then in a few days i shall continue with singing and blabla.

i'm amazed at how some bands have gone to show their faith for Him.
if you come to see, a third of my music are by artists like these. i salute them.

okay. 2 littles kids are wrecking my room.

happy chinese new year again. and the goodie are expensive.

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey unloving
I will love you
And will love you

Jesus I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come
Jesus I'm ready to come home
Unfaithful
Ungraceful
And unloving
I will love you

i am back babaye!

2006-01-27T13:11:00.000+08:00

hello! after a long time. i am finally back..
haha i've been too lazy and busy to come and update.

right now, paolo is sick. and it sucks.
i think i have tonsillitis right now and i can't sing. nor scream.

you guys should be wondering what has been happening to me.
so here it is.

i've been fine i guess.
i've changed a bit. i like to study now. wierd i know.
SLOF is going pretty well.
i'm still the same. still learning and still forgetting.
this girl is...what can i say. still killing me.
God has given me a new talent. and i'm gna use for him of course.

right now, i'm writing songs which have meaning and talks abt the truth.
i'm tired of hearing lyrics that always convey the same thing:
typical teenage drama. girl breaks guys heart. and destroy his life.
it's so mundane, that, now.
i'll write what people are missing in life.
so i wouldn't call these songs emo . i'm tired of that crap.

God is cool. just pray that i won't need to get my tonsils removed.
bye.

Time is running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I set love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

stab

2005-12-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

as some of you might have heard.
i'm quiting sloryae.
due to some personal reasons.

i hope this won't affect our friendship and stuff.
how great friends we were and i wish it would still continue.

i've been letting a few people down recently.
and i'm gna let one yet again.
sorry priss i won't be able to come for your party due to some
unforseen cimcumstances.
i'm really really want to say sorry.
as much as i want to go for the party.
but something just popped out suddenly.
sigh.

just one of those downturns.
wish me luck.

and if anyone somehow gets to see and packet of
greenapple/pineapple gummy worms, please please inform cos
i need it for something important for someone "important"
enough to me to take trouble and doing this. haha.
i'm joking buddy.

dig out my eyes

2005-12-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

hi i'm back to try and get your attention to this on going tv show in paolo'slife.
haha so anyway. today. we shall talk abt moshing.
yea. heard it right moshing. i don't if its appropiate to talk abt it here
but who gives a whoha..

so yea. the definition of a moshpit:
a place at a gig where you can dance at however the heck you want with a bunch of people you don't know. the dancing will often include punches aimed in the air NOT at the person nearest to you however usually results in full contact. can be dangerous however everyone with a ticket should feel welcome in the mosh pit.

i got this from www.urbandictionary.com . kudos to that for having a long list of cool words which help become or sound cool from time to time. haha.

so anyway.1. moshing is a way of venting your anger and stuff. WHEN accompanied with great music you can fully relate to. so yes.
2.and it is also a dance. and a dance is where you express yourself.

explain number 1,start off. anger is definitely not smiling. but why the heck do i see people smiling after a song ends. i'm like wth. wow, everyone should be moshing now so everyone could be happy as him. the townies(another cool words from urb.dict.) are like, "hey man, that guy was moshing so funnily. and his face was like serious as if he was gna cry."
omg please. thats the whole point of coming to a show man. to actually try to cry. i know its gay but yea. and oh yes! haha some girls come to shows for really really really really wrong reasons! i'll talk abt that in a while.

explain 2. i don't hikn i really need to expalian this but to me, creating an own identity for yourself and being different is really important to me.
so. moshing is like any type of other dancing. maybe it be ballet, waltzing, perreo(another cool word) haha, dirty dancing, or whatever. dancing is dancing. its expressing yourself.
and whats the point of expressing yourself when you care abt what other people think of what you're doing? what's the point of expressing yourself if you're just gna do what they think will be nice and like. so yea. i guess that explains enough.

so anyway. remember i went for the third place gig when 4th avenue played with aristotle and caracal bla bla other bands. there was alot of girls and i was surprised.
why was i surprised?
1: the songs we "people" write are actually directed to girls and how they uhm "break our hearts"
2: there would be alot of moshing. well not really knowing that it was 3rd place where no moshing allowed. true enough there was and was one girl who was trampled on. so yea. i had to give an evil grin haha. even though she was looking.

so yea 2 reason aren't actually much but yea.
going back to the 2 girls who i was talking abt earlier.
haha so yea. i think the main reason they were there cos they only wanted
"headbang" to kenneth yong, whenever he played.
haha it was really hilarious. i'm not showing signs of disrespect to kenneth yong la.
but the 2 girls were stupid la. the whole misconception of moshing here living in them.
whenever there was "give it up for K.!" the 2 girls would scream in the most irritating pitch you could ever hear i swear. -sigh- so after 4th avenue's set,i took a little stare at them. haha.
and she had guts to give me that look-at-me-from-eyes-to-toes. even i feltlike a poser at 3rd place. okay la. maybe i am a poser but at least i know more than these girls. haha.
and after that, when everyone started, they friggin put their arms around each other's shoulders. i was like wtf.true enough, all the mat posers and malaytapered pantswearers started joining the 2 girls. omg. stupidity. okay enough enough
i'm walking far enough from the subject.

so my point is. next time there is a small mosh pit, make sure Daniel Alexis(wah the name damn glam huh?) Ng didn't start it. haha. hi daniel.

so i'd rather mosh to myself at home. or mosh to myself to the music i make on stage.
i love indie moshing.

Emo is not for girls

give me your hand
the departure of the thief and monster is far from over
but everything is gonna be just fine
everything will be just fine
we live in fear and danger of them
there delicate cheeks will turn to rotting flesh
one day women will all become monsters

hello there. angel from my nightmare

2005-11-29T20:52:00.001+08:00

hello.
past few days, i've been having really really strange dreams.
form robots chasing me to coffee shop uncles asking for my money.
from going to somewhere i really don't know to that I MISS YOU scene by blink.
haha. i don't know what's goin on with the world anymore.

anyway. i've come to talk abt accusations. yeap.
accusations. from love to hate, from happy to sorrow.
i just had been a victim.(how cliche)
sometimes, i know its tempting to talk abt someone
when they're not what you seem they are.
like omg. whats wrong with sitting really close to a girl. man.
that doesn't mean he's dating her.
all these are immaturity that most people seem to be in.
and also hugs: whats wrong with them?
hugs aren't only for couples or family members.
hugs are actually nice okay.
so you reading this, may it be a guy or girl,
you're gna give me a hug the next time you see me. or else.

but yea. you can't make everyone feel the same way abt a
lifestyle or basically the way you think.
if everybody felt the same way abt everything, it would peaceful.

haha so yea. i'm feeling lost right now. hm..
more time with God! yea.
or maybe just the fact that i'm down with a flu.

hm its scary sometimes to think of what you were listening to last time.
haha. when backstreet boys used to be cool and so was n'sync
then came blink182. then goldfinger. haha.
then now. its scary. i think its only a matter of time before i
change the genre of music i listen to. yea.
and my style of clothing too.
haha my mom says i dress like a girl. tch. yea right.
haha, i need to educate her.

Why are my cool friends calling me Pulse?! haha

heh anyway. i gtg eat. oh yea i'm sorry i couldn't come today, buddy.
anyways, this is a public declaration

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEY.
Your guitar is sexy. haha.

Am I worth your time?
I'm on the ground now and you won't ask me
how I fell tonight but I would tell you
everything you want me to tonight
So c' mon ask and I will tell
everything about myself to you
Honey, I'm an open book

hellogdbye

2005-11-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

hey. jsut came home. yay! beat my curfew haha. ok whatever la.
whatever you all say.
"why must go home so early?" -joey
haha. okay firstly, reality check la.
i'm only 14. i'm a year younger than you so?
haha okay. joey, i'm not trying to embarrass you or anything la.
or neither am i trying to make you famous.

so yea. jsut came home from the gig.
supposedly "no-moshing" 3rd place haha.
dang! i was thrown to the lead guitarist's amp.
haha. i think i screwed the settings a bit.

so i guess, throw the thougt of us being together.
i'll stop trying to get attention from you.
okay, stop. this is becoming stupid and cheesy.
okay there. i'm all done with you. i think.

okay.. i wanna play a christmas rock/hcore song.
but obviously some people think its too slow. haha. jk.

ookay stop. i'm writing blogs like what majority of the bloggers are.
they always talk abt what goes on in their lives, what they do everyday.
hm. hey, i share this thought with bong. right buddy?
haha. okay. i need to.. sleep. no i don't.
ah crap. until another day then.

My friend,
You're always the last one to leave
Those dimly lit rooms.
Making sure the last glass makes its way to the table empty.
And every bottle in the place
Has been upside down
At least a few times what a waste.
Is this what's left of you these days?

my head doesn't need a title

2005-11-25T00:07:00.000+08:00

hi so yea.
you people might be thinking why this recent fuss abt my head and all.
my head's not even worth a thing.

so yea. you might be thinking why i'm doing this.
publicity stunt maybe? only part of the reason.
i just wanna do something new.
something to go into my long list of stupid things in my life.
i wanan go to school with a new hairstyle.
make all the upper sec teachers think i'm nice and all.
haha what a nice way to start off upper sec.
all the teachers thinking that i'm a clean unrowdy tye of person.
haha.

so yea. past few weeks, haven't doing anything much really.
except for jamming jamming.
preparing for our upcoming gigs. new set! yay!
so people please do come.

k i gta sleep now. i've got band tomorrow! ahha how great. been a reall really really long time since i've gone band. cos nobody tells me there's practice!
okay.. take care people

shave!

2005-11-21T13:08:00.000+08:00

hey people. i've good news! haha.
i've promised to cut my hair by this year.
no not just cut or trim but shave my hair.
well not make it shaved until it's all shiny as my
doc marten's shoes. haha no. i don't wanan use kiwi.
but yes. i'm gna shave it. maybe after our third place gig.
or maybe even before that. who knows. i might even shaving it now!
so prepare and don't laugh. it takes alot of courage!
take the poll. please take it with seriousity.(what kind of word is that?)

haha byebye.

woo! christcore! hahaha

2005-11-18T13:36:00.000+08:00

www.christcoremusic.net
i swear i love this site! haha. yay! finally!

special

2005-11-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

i've some for a short note.

i swear that Pulmonary Archery is getting on my nerves.
i think its something special. haha
i see everytimes i open my iTunes.
and so is Emebers and Envelopes.

i hvae to find the meaning of those both.

my msn's useless cos nobody talks to me haha.
gdnight.

conclusion

2005-11-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

so i've made list of conclusions of myself.
firstly, i don't think i'm cool haha.. i mean what the hell.
cool - paolo. ho yea, whatever, dream until the cows come home la.

secondly, haha yes, i'm not rich. i'm so poor. haha. i need a bloody job! at Macs or whatever

thirdly, i'm too young. age is always the problem too me.. too young to watch these movies, too young to work at Shangbangla haha.. i'm joking. they might sue me for this. please don't, i'm sorry.
haha

there's more things to that.

but.. what i do have is great friends and wonderful families(oops haha) well a wonderful family ok? haha.

sometimes, how you feel towards your friends, you can't help it but feel insecure.
you think, "how can i be so sure if they're not talking my back?"
"does this girl really like me?"
"can i really trust this guy?"
those are just one of the many things that go through your head.
well everyone, i mean EVERYONE has felt like this before.

but thats where trust comes in you know.
that why i've kept quiet all this time you know.
it's not that i don't trust all my friends, but i dont know.
cos there's actually people who hide in theirskin when they need too.
and then they say thier you're ncie to go out with.
i don't know when some people actually say i'm fun to go out with
whether their telling the truth.
i'm not talking to anyone in particular. but i know that person wouldn't come here.
i know i'm gossiping but i can't help it but feel hurt and stupified right now.
then sometimes, we usr people's short-coming for a reason for hating that person or talking bad abt him/her. i mnea yea i do it sometimes, but no i nvr gossip alot. if you know, i'll be just quiet abt things and keep things to myself.

k nvm, i'm goin off. no one would wanna know abt my life.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the One
whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

when life's floating fast away

2005-11-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

hey.. it's the holidays.. and i haven't done much productive things.. so yea.. i hate holidays.. seriously..
everyday i wake up.. first thing on my mind, "wth am i gna do today?"
and then, you go wanna go out, you can't cos you don't have pocket money anymore..
why, cos there's no more school! haha so yea..
we just waste our time during the holidays..

today, we're gna talk abt life.. i don't know if this would concern much people though.

so.. everyday we live our lives thinking that we'll still live tomorrow, procrastinating things.
well, we're all sure that we're gna live tomorrow.. yea.. you live but live blindlessly..
people nowadays live without purpose.. well i don't know my purpose in this world yet. i'm sure God will tell me soon..

students nowadays study like there's tomorrow(haha yes.. i just mentioned that). they just study study sutdy.. not having fun.. and when they die.. they wish they had more fun during the teenage years.. you see the point i'm trying to get across is, good grades are no the main aim of life. cos in the end, all you get is one piece of paper, just worthy enough to wipe your dirty ass with.. come on, even tissue papers are more useful..

and yes i know that piece of nice paper with your name on it can eventually get you alot of money.. but i don't care.. i'm gna have fun.. well that two paragraphs haven't of much help did they.. i know.. anyway moving on..
so yes.. the years pretty much over now huh?
so then there's next year.. Sec 3.. just gna be another year of piles of pressure..
homwork, projects and blah..
then, it's another year older.. 15. yay.. haha more responsibilies and more freedom i hope..

so yea until another post, go find you purpose.. haha..k

crap

2005-10-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

i'm bored of this crap..
you say you're busy.. yet you go out..
i'll never be worth your time won't i?
so here it is.. my white flag..
its finished.. you still don't know who you are..
but if you're reading, SEPT MOIS..
i don't know if you would take a few clicks and types to translate this on the internet..
but screw this okay.. i don't want it anymore and i'm effing moving on..
i'm sorry.. but it's not over.. its gna linger i know.. so song's gna come up for you..
i think.. but should i stop?
will you still remember me when u leave.. bother to talk or say hi?
certain words in uncertain times..

i guess this is why they hate us emokids.. we're too sensitive and gay..
but whatever..

defeat is always hard to admit.. but i'm admitting it.. i don't wanna sound cheesy and crap..
cos nobody would give a "hooha".
maybe one reason i am who i am today is maybe that i nvr talk to anyone abt deep thoughts and crap.. i keep it all bottled up and shit.. i'm not seeking for attention.. well what can i do? nobody calls me and crap like that.. i guess the difference between me and the other people is they got nice friends who talk to them everyday.. i guess i'm isolated.. but i think i should shut up now..

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

so where do we go? from here on end?
we were never lovers, more than fiends..
your smiles aren't working no more..
anymore!
this has to go, this has to end..

its not funny

2005-10-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

-its not funny anymore you know.. neither is it nice anymore
its not fun haveing to be flirting to feeling.. well i guess its just like that..
you say you're so worked out and buried.. whatever.. you go out..
well i guess i won' fit in to your schedule huh..
you won't ever take notice of me and crap..
you never say hi without me saying it first.. i guess i'm not interesting to you huh?
i'm just a kid-friend to you.. no matter how hard i try, the ice won't dry..

can you *7 see!? stop playing already please!
i guess i have to do it someday.. though someday seems so far away and impossible..
i nvr get chances to socialise or whatever
now i guess i should i give up.. should i?-

well.. its the end.. the end of the school year..
i'll miss my class.the jokes the physical fights and all.. verbal abuses..
haha.. faggots and bullies.. the next year will be a new one of course.. new class, new friends..
new targets haha..

i don't care which class i go to.. just one that won't give me as much stress as in this year's..
haha well it wasn't much of strain this year..

i guess next year will be a new year and new challenges awaiting.. i hope next year can be the big break for Sloryae.. yet hope and wish..

I won't say you're hot.. you're beautiful.. real beautiful..

Jesus is cool, seriously..

don't make me feel like this

2005-10-15T10:56:00.000+08:00

i feel like an asshole..

girls are probably one of the best bastards.. well its not in an offensive way..
they're sooo good at making us feel so stupid.. we do so much and get noticed this much..
i'm feeling so bad, i want to hate you now.. but what was i thinking, hoping for?
there's so much differences between us.. maybe you don't even know them or let alone
care about them.. i swore to myself, that i wouldn't like anyone else but you as long as i could.
time limit. argh!

i don't want to talk to you but at the same time i do.. i need to stop this..
whatever.. this is hopeless love.. screw everything..

Your name here,
Believe me it's not what you think,
Wish what you want,
It's all the same to me,
Well, not really,
But anyway,
Its just there's nothing so simple,
Nothing so silly,
Nothing so mundane,

2005-10-11T17:24:00.000+08:00

hey.. been a while

the thing abt "flaming" teachers has been going around for quite a while now..
hah. its funny you know.
yet they don't know what blogs for..

man, let what happens in blogs stay in blogs..

and this particular teacher is pretty stupid..
maybe not only this but most la.. i ust don't hope i get su-ed for this..

i mean, they should know that insults and criticism is part and parcel of life..
let alone in being a teacher.. didn't they revise what they would encounter if they took teacher as a job?
let me list okay?
-rebelious students
-lots and lots of marking
-students making lot and lots of remarks abt you

it's really funny you know, how sometimes teachers complain. hah..
but yes, they're still humans.

i have no idea why i'm talking about this but haha, i don't even know how my brain works sometimes

"When was the last time you felt this wide-awake? Put that energy to good use! The options are endless, and whether you want to treat yourself to something special or be your typical generous self and spend time helping others, there's no time like the present to just get something done. Even better? Whatever you do could likely shed a little more light on who you are -- and there's nothing like a little personal discovery in the midst of having fun!"

haha horoscopes.. nvr realy believed in them, but sometimes, it just comes true..

well, everybody's got "love" now.. tell me really, what is love?
the dictionary's not helping.. true feelings can never be explained or be elaborated..

a poem for you

hey, girl, is this love?
can you tell?
is it like that time i fell?
thinking that love is,
all about the kiss.

tell me you like me too.
don't make me feel like a foo.
never did you give me a hug
making me think i look like a pug.

i don't wanna feel like this anymore.
i don't wanna keep it all inside.. like i told a friend,
i don't mind not being with her.. i just wanna let it go..
and yet i'm scared to blow it.. and yet i think i'm close..
tell me i'm wrong.

Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much

i'm back

2005-10-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

hey i'm back after like i dunno how long.. ah but who cares.

well.. i don't really know what blogs were really meant for..
for me, it's my other brain.. well not really my brain but a written description of it..
well gab, i'm not being offensive blogs were meant to be shown to the public..

there's nothing wrong with people flaming people.. cos it's not unusual..
cos after all, everyone thinks differently.. so yea.. blogs were meant to written accounts of your mind.. to be viewed by people, friends, whoever.. and please i don't tag anonymously.. cos there's no use in that.. it's stupid and cowardly.. its okay if someone "flames" me.. cos it's nature..
i don't mind..

words

2005-09-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

"call it karma"-silverstein
Goodbye, old friend
Goodbye, goodnight
I'll move on
You'll call it fate, I'll call it karma
We had our time, it was fun
while it lasted

I'll look back with honor
and no regrets
I won't be mad, won't feel bad
These memories will never leave me
Don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
It's getting too late
Tomorrow is here

"Emily" -FftL
Smiles and her laughter
It's the only thing that I've been waiting for a time
Regardless of our distance and our hope...grows greater
Trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time
...the only thing that I've been waiting for.

I hope it's something worth the waiting
'Cause it's the only thought that I ever feel real
Thunder storms could never stop me
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily

She's simple yet confusing
Her sparkling eyes make me weak and my words, they tremble
Days seem like years in this month of December
The winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep
And never will I give up trying 'cause you're everything to me

I hope it's something worth the waiting
It's the only thought that I ever feel real
'Cause thunder storms could never stop me
'Cause there's no one in the world like Emily,
There's no one in the world like Emily.

-emily's no one.. its just a song.. it's just how i feel.. well, thats enough..

going down

2005-09-28T19:19:00.000+08:00

i nvr get it you know...
i'm not having anything against people...
men, always think they're higher than anyone..
no matter how good/bad looking they are, they want a wife
as hot Jessica Alba or whoever..
yea..
moving on....

you know, i hate being over sms-ed by some girls when they're trying to know me..
i guess what you do, goes back to you..
i guess we're always blinded by love you know..
we want soo much and yet we get so little or nothing at all..

maybe its just not gonna happen..
i should've have know.. but no, i'm not gonna give up..
not yet..

i'm not gonna write anything long cos there's no point..
there's more things i have to do than write.

polos, shirts, dresses and skirts

2005-09-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

i don't get why people shoudl dress the way people tell them them to..
i mean, wear whatever the heck you want..
what is it with you guys?
do these people pay you?
well, i dont think you're a model either..

me, i don't dress for anyone..
i don't dress to impress..
i don't dress for attention.. man what the heck would i want that for?
attention makes you just one of them..
and man, those assholes who've been saying to the kind of music i am listening to
just to get attention, ugh, the heck with you..
tell me what have i done wrong huh?

well, i don't dress just to fit in..
its just that we have the same style.. so screw okay
i'm not gonna dress for just anyone..
tell it straight to my face, i'd like to hear your comme

i don't dress to impress cos i don't need to..
i don't need to impress people..
what am i? in a fashion show?
oh wait, is tyra banks looking?

oh shut up, what am i talking about..

goodbye man utd..

2005-09-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

goodbye man utd..
goodbye to this season..

they were...stupid.. lazy.. taking things for granted..
i'm really frustrated at watching them playing like as if it's only training..
i think soccer's corrupted already..
i used to be an ardent fan of man utd fan..
i woke at 330 in the mornings just to watch them..
now it seems i've got no reason to do that..
i'll still be a fan.. not a hardcore one..

soccer holds nothing for me anyway..

no-need-for-title

2005-09-24T12:14:00.000+08:00

recently.. i've been retarded and complacent..
i've been sleeping on drums.. not practicing thinking that i'll stay the same way..
yesterday when i jammed with Slof, it was reality check..
i was playing like a beginner.. i couldn't get on the tons propoerly..
i've been stupid overall.. in my life..
not making the right decisions..
even though i knew how to tell them apart right from wrong..
it's reallt irritating cos, you make mistakes when you knew you could've avoided them..

she's not a mistake.. only a miss.. but i'm still firing..

right now, i don't really know what to do.. although i know what to go for..
somebody help me..
girl, pull me up already.. please..

The drugs begin to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer
You won't try to save me!
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate!

Groovy

2005-09-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

well hello..

i'm wanna talk abut musicianship..
well more about drumming.. more about an advice on it..

drumming, is not ALL about skills..
not how fast your hands can move..
not how fast semi-quavers you can do..

drumming is more or rather all about
GROOVE or STYLE..
style not as in like, ooh moving you head with the music
or how nice you hit your drumsticks..
not how fast you can hit a tom to another..

you can't see Groove or style.. its hard to pick up..
to me, i think groove is really more more impt than skills.. seriously..
and i think its really really better to start off with simple simple simple skills
than take on hard ones straight away.. seriously.. you won't go far..
i can pretty much say going the way, i've gotten more knowledge than most people
who would can play almost as much as me in the short time they've have been learning..
i'm not boasting though.. and yes.. EGO is impt for a drummer to suceed.. very impt..

its not good to copy from people.. but yes you need stepping stones.. from there, develop on..
thats why i NEVER USE TABS! i like challenges.. haha..
i'd like to say that Maroon 5's drummer is really good.. seriously.. call me
an asshole for saying that but its true.. only a dumb drummer who've heard them would say its not true.. maybe you're just not good.. So is Incubus' drummer.. they are examples of "groovy" drummers..

trend following

2005-09-20T14:59:00.000+08:00

trend following...

its something that has bothered for the past few months..
i have no idea why people have to follow what they think is cool to others..
i mean, get your own f-ing style la please..
i don't buy clothes or bags or whatever just to fit in to groups or societies..
i'm not talking about music.. cos what people have said over the past few days
have been sensible and logical..

i don't get why people follow instead to lead..
well yes i know that to flead, you need followers..
but not to an extent that its a boody fashion..
but heck.. the World will never change.. neither can i change it cos its not mine..

i don't get people can'tput their name on the tagboard..
and Xavier if you think i posted as "joan" haha.. finger to you..
i don't have to time to do that..

don't bother trying to explain

2005-09-18T21:47:00.000+08:00

i'm back..

i've given it thought..
talking behind people's backs is useless.. i'm sorry cos i confess having done this..
cos it doesn't solve anything.. and most likely it'll also make it worst..
i know this is logic.. but i know that most people know this but yet they still do it..
so point out..

i don't like taking control of problems.. there's someone up there better at doing that..
it is true.. to me, the more you try and solve problems, the more it gets worse in some hidden way.. so i just let dark clouds pass.. so don't expect me to say sorry when its your fault.. but usually, i'm too kind to let it pass off and make up..

also i don't take things too much.. but in my mind i do.. so, haha.. some example.. like if i fancy some girl, if she does something or whatever that makes me thing she likes me or whatever, i try not to listen to myself.. and just shrug it off. not like Joey..

Joey Peng, you need more self-esteem.. believe in yourself.. so any girl who like this wonderful guy.. haha.. please, take him... tell him!

I want you to know that
i miss you i miss you so

I'm writing again, these letters to you
aren;t much i know

pretencious

2005-09-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

i'm really confused right now..
they say its cool to belong to a society..
i'm may be an emokid or whatever.. but i'm not bloody proud of it!
ocs i don't think its cool to be listening to Emo..
i mean so what? emo, emo la..
the only reason why i'm dissing all the poser is because they are listening
to something i love.. i know i'm being selfish.. sorry..
but you wouldnt like it if someone shares your girlfriend/boyfriend..

from now on.. i will try my best not to diss posers.. cos now i know how it feels..
i'm sorry.. if i have to say something.. i will try to keep it to myself..

i love Maroon 5.. drummer's good.. i love jazz..

i will rise from the ashes
don't call me pretencious
i'm sitting here making my own rules
and if i fall from the ceiling
you'll be down there waiting

ChristCore

2005-09-14T19:48:00.000+08:00

i'm wanna make a band.. who plays hardcore christian music.. i wanna invent a new genre.. combining heartfelt screaming and vocals which says of God's love and sacrifice.. i'm gonna call it ChristCore..
hardcore music.. kinda like emocore..

i know screaming for God would be wierd but to me, it's more sincere.. seriously!
moshpits in churches... god, that would be so cool!

anyone interested in this, drop me a msg there--------------------------------------------------------------------------->

i'm not superman

2005-09-13T19:11:00.000+08:00

i got back most f the CT results.. i must say i did better than i expected...
but its all useless you know.. parents always say.. i want you to improve on eberything.. EVERYTHING..
damn it! i'm not superman ok! i;m not good at some subjects cos its that way.. GOD made it that way..
i'm not perfect.. i'm sorry okay? blame me.. we all do so good at common test but do worst at semestral exams.. know why? cos there's more things to remember.. my brains got storage capacity ok? dunno 2 gigas or more but i can't remember everything ok?

well i don't blame them.. you want your kids t be good and of course want yourself have a good life when you retire and have them taking care of you.. so yea. i don't hate them or anything.. just stressed ok..

well, it still continues u know? but haha.. there's goodnights now.. but you know what? i don't really mind if i don't have a girlfriend you know.. cos i'm not in it for sex.. yes.. but yes.. i can't deny the fact that i still like her sooo much.. i can't say i ove her cos LOVE, its a two way thing.. you can't say yo love someone and he/she doesn't love you back.. so yea..

i'm gearing up.. cos i don't wanna fail my finals.. but no matter how high my grades are, i'm still gonna option fo the Lit class.. call me stupid but, its what i like.. its no use doing something you don't wanna do.. now THAT is stupid..

i suck at making songs.. i can't remember my rythms for them .. haha..
i'm sick and tired of my hair.. i'm gonna change my hairstyle SOON.. ah who cares..
nobody even comes here and read my blabberings...

A gaping hole, shot through my heart
A lost connection from your poison dart
Shot from your tongue to end my life.
But if you're blowing at the fire to light your strife.

repetetion

2005-09-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

there goes Motion City Soundtrack, to the mainstream...
i'm sad.. cos they're the only band that i can feel something when i listen to.. i dunno but i feel wierd listening to them.. not in a bad way

anyway! the Moron Madness Gig was a good show... our first proper show..
was kinda good.. yea.. but Caracal people were there so yea.. shrank balls..
haha..

i'm happy now.. but still love hinders.. yea.. school's tomororw and i don't wanna go...
i wrote a poem.. about a dud.. yes a dud.. cos i feel a dud in front of her you know..
a poem of exactly how i feel..

so yea.. i'll leave you hear.. might not post until next week.. i gotta buck up you know? so when school's over.. we can concentrate on more gigs and gigs.. haha! originals should be ready by then..

And the alamo penetrated
And there is little hope
For the white man so
Hop on your rainbowAnd ride...

good/bad

2005-09-06T14:22:00.000+08:00

i found this atsome site i won't name.. cos its true.. Dazz Torrent wrote this
"I have to admit that punk in the olden days were influential and awesome. Unfortunately, Punk is dead now and punk will never be the same again as it was before in the olden days. There are many people in my school who wear meshcaps and go around yelling "Punk's not dead! Punk's not dead". Some of those people haven't even heard of Green Day. Either that or they still listen to Avril Lavigne and claim she's punk. I believe that there are a few rare REAL punk bands out there that these people haven't heard of yet (Suicidal Tendencies, CroMags, etc.). Anyway, back to the topic, these so called "punks" only listen to shit played on MTV. Three words... GET A LIFE!
And oh yeah, not to forget... Busted and Simple Plan aren't punk. I can drag out 251 words from my vocabulary just to describe how awful they are. Punk isn't always about writing lyrics which consists of getting kicked out of the house, skating and breaking their legs and how the guy does not get the girl they want."

In your face posers..

thank you

2005-09-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

well, Finch is in the newspaper, My Chemical Romance is officially pop-punk, alot of people know what purevolume is and, people think that its cool to be an emokid and all...

to those who have switched sides to emo for these past few months because you thinks its cool and because you heard my chemical romance on the radio, f you.. can you ah bengs just stick to PInk shirts and Techno? can you guys stop thinking that Emily the Strange is some goth apparel when its just a product which was another one of those brilliant businessmen in China made?

i would flip people off if ever one day, Sloryae made it big.. IF..

i will never make the same mistake as these asses are doing.. god... and if i was ever asked,
"Who the heck do you think you are? why do you think we are posers huh? haven't you look at yourself? what makes you think you're not a poser yourself?"

i would glady reply,
" *beep* you la! *beep*! I was F-ing there before MCR went mainstream! i knew Finch before it went in the f-ing newspapers! i was there before the Britney-look-alikes started to wear studded belts and eyeliners!"

i am damn angry right now and thats only one of the reasons..
i'm sorry i have to voice this out to you.. but whatever i do i won't be able to change anything.. cos i have no power.. that's what's wrong here in singapore.. its just a one big skycraper.. with one exit. you fail your studies, goodbye to you and hello to roadsweeping..

When I'm lying in your bed play the motions through my head
you know that I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
and I have reasons to believe that
I'm not the onlyone you spend this time with,
but I'll stay...

back

2005-08-30T18:02:00.000+08:00

i'm back! common tests are over! yay! most of the tests have been given back and yes,
i'm quite happy..

i was laughing so so hard when someone called A7x punk.. that i say, is the joke of the century..
haha! god.. i don't know what has become of the music society in here... its all screwed up.. the so-called-fans are screwed up..

i hope people don't go home from our gig and say that "omg. Sloryae is sooo cool. i wann be like them. i wanna dress like the bands they listen to. i'm gonna be emo! yay! so cool."
ho-my-god, i would rather stop playing the music and go to something else like POP.. i would be disgusted at this.. uber..

please do come for our gig if you're not like the above.. please dance with us there.. that is mosh and crap.. yes.. i consider it as my way of dancing.. the pit's the dance floor..
Last Tomorrow have yes, changed the name to Sloryae...

You lie through your teeth
You wont let me down, you lie
I deserve better than this
I dream of steel.
Maroon and warm, your end.
You gasp for air.
I'll see this through, I'll see through you, your pale blue eyes.

GIG!

2005-08-22T18:02:00.000+08:00

adults thnk that we depressed kids are rebellious.. why can't they leave us alone?
why can't they treat us the same ?

i think i suck.. they obvious treat me lesser than my otehr siblings..
compared to *****, i only got 1/5 of what he had for his birthday.. i only got 4 gifts.. do your math..
ah but wth..

just come for the gig and it'll all fine..

Last tomorrow is having a gig with some other bands on: details below
if you don't already know, i am the vocalist for last tomorrow.. i'm also playing the drums for Paradoxus..

GIG - Bong's Birthday cum For Fun Gig
Featuring Local Band Talents like:
-Last Tomorrow
- The Cereal Killers
- Inertia ( project )
- Sweetness of Salt ( project )
- Paradoxus ( project )

Details:- 9th September 2005 ( Friday )
- 6.30pm to ll.30pm- Function Hall, Ceylon Sports Club, 101 Balestier Road, Singapore 329678
- No outside food or drinks allowed
- Finger snacks and Drinks provided ( so have a light dinner before you come if you want. )
- Entry Fee $2 per head or $10 for a group of 6 people. ( so call your friends! )

Other Stuff:
- Guys MUST/SHOULD mosh otherwise you're a pussy.
- But dont be so rough, there are glass doors. Fortunately, we have bouncers but please also control your area of moshing.
- Any damage caused to your body by moshing or doing other stupid things is your own problem.
- This Gig is also to celebrate bong's birthday so bring presents if you want, or just come to this gig. It'll be great.
- Wedgie Bong if there's a chance to.
- Bring extra cakes so we can throw it at Bong.
- Invite your friends!
- Please try to take a taxi if you can, because its a long walk from Novena Mrt Station..My advice to you is that you take a train down to either BOON KENG MRT STATION / NOVENA MRT STATION and take a taxi from there. fare will be $4+
- Enjoy yourself.
- Enjoy the Music.
- If you dont like the music we play, please bring along your discman/mp3 and be a stupid asswipe listening to your own music while the rest have fun moshing and enjoying the music.
- Lastly, Its BONG'S BIRTHDAY so you know what to do ;)

bad bad

2005-08-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

i hate people who try to become like one just to fit in the crowd.
they made a word for this you know.. it's POSER!
man.. they're so desperate to be like the crowd.. why can't they just be different?

i won't mind being different.. actually i would dare to be different.. but i would just contribute to war.. haha.. but yes i dare to..
what's the use of having everybody the same?

but then if everybody would be different, then it would become that everybody's the same all over again.. understand? e.g.: if everybody was a superhero, then no-body's a superhero..
that is why privilledges are given.. if not, it wouldn't be called privilledges won't they?

stress.. it puts pressure on you.. but then again.. isn't pressure what they use in generators to make energy? and isn't energy, power? yea.. think about it..

November 10th, a cold dark night
You could feel that something wasn't right.
That night many hearts did cry
When we learned we had to say goodbye.

All embraced under one common song
the body is dead but life lives on.

Good-bye Steven. Good-bye you friend.
You were so young. You were so young.

MUSIC

2005-08-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

i'm just here to follow-up on joey's post on music.. well i'm not talking about emocore but music in General..

Music can make you happy
Music can make you cry
Music can make you giddy
Music can make you DIE..

i believe this.. aybe not really die but drive to doing so..
music is so powerful that it can do almost everything..

and again, i don't diss people who listen to a sepcific genre but i do diss the fans who mistake their genre for another.. PLEASE for the LAST TIME! SIMPLE PLAN IS NOT PUNK ROCK!

if you're asking why i don't put what i do in my life in words here, cos i don't think anyone would wanna look at what i do everyday? who the heck would want to?

i think, i'm hopeless.. if you've heard Hopeless Love by Daphne loves Derby, that's exactly how i feel.. i know i'll never be with her and yet i want to.. willing to take that risk that might leave me crippled for God-knows-how-long.. but yet, i know if i do get a lifeline, a chance, a gift, i know i will not regret having to take those sleepness nights thinking of consequences as well as benefits.. yea..

From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown
oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you weren't honest before
I can't shake it...

Make the same mistake twice
Flash of red and green all over me
Freeze the things that you love
Ash from what had formed all over

JOEY PENG

2005-08-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

joey, you need Jesus.. haha. yes.. i'm not joking..
life's not meaningless or useless...
i mean, i believe that you die, because, you fulfilled your purpose on Earth and join God to the other side.. even if you die of cancer, i believe you touched someone to become a believer.. so become a Christian.. well if you don't want to, hats off to you and we'll see what happens to you..
NO OFFENCE to non-believers..

well, what is it to be in love joey? someone will come and show it to you... i promise one day..
give the so-called-emokid and they'll break..

dreams can come true... just commit.. but don't be stupid and have nothing to fall back on..
miracles happen.. just ask the right person..

well actually.. sleeping's a waste of time.. you actually live only two-thirds of your life because of sleep.. so two-thirds of 75? 50! you bloody wasted your 25 years! when tt 25 years went by like 25 minuts if you ask me.. cos when you sleep, you actually know how long you were sleeping? thats where the use of clocks come in.. i have nothing else to say...

Promise me you will be there
until the red light will change
I would wait forever.
Promise me you will stay here
Until the darkness will fade,
I'd wait for you.

diffs

2005-08-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

differences will always be the deciding factor for almost everything.. look at what happen with George Bush and Saddam Hussein... its because everyone thinks differently.. thats why we will never have peace.. if everyone was of the same religion, then only then we will have peace..
but this will happen.. NEVER.. yea.. even if it would, we would have to pick the right religion(i know which) or else it would be no use cos everyone would just go to hell..

i think all hope is lost for her and me1.. she'll never like me.. i swear and angel touched me if ever one day she'll say she likes me.. we're too different! i don't i'll ever have a girlfriend.. i'll rot at a Old Folk's Home.. and have students from CIP have me entertained..

hopes are hopes, nothin more.. you have to do something to make them dreams, which is not that hard.. but dreams will again, be nothing if you don't work towards it.. you have to change them to oppotunities... and then take it by the balls and turn them to reality.. this whole process is called, Kid Ambitions (KA).. i think only 5/10 people suceed in this... yea.. the other 5 land a job they don't really love( if KA if assc.with a job).. thats why parents, they come home tired and cranky and uptight..

Oh, it will never be okay,as some will say.
We stand to fight for nothing,
so close your eyes and stay away.
Don't believe their headlines
they poison our minds, everyday

your revolution is a joke,
as I will say..

sean

2005-08-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

happy birthday sean! well two days ago! haha

well yes anpother great outing with last tomorrow and others..
Joey's a bastard.. Dan, there always see to be glasses around.. haha..

willy wonka rocks.. haha funny guy.. i love doing quotes on him..
NYAA's a waste of time and it suck having to stay back everyday..

on Wed, we took some gay band pictures and please visit our sites..
we do gigs for birthday parties, so if yours id coming up, give us a call if you want us to play for you.. please.. haha

i couldn't think of a title

2005-08-09T22:16:00.000+08:00

i am stoned.. i think i was only awake for 8 hours today... i was bored..
i don't think i did anything meaningful..

i am really broke.. i need more money..
like what the hell la.. i wished i work for someone for some cash..

i am bored.. that happens when you don't have money.. usually..

take a gun shoot me in the head.. NOW!

Like a bad star, i'm falling faster, down to her
She's the only one who knows what it is to burn

rah!!

2005-08-09T00:08:00.000+08:00

haha... i shall practice screaming until i become like Joey Peng Jiatian.. haha
i think i'm becoming better.. but yes i still suck okay?

Joey, do not hesititate, do what you think needs to be done.. remember what happened at StreetFest? my balls shrank okay? i felt that it would have been hostile to go up to her and ask.. and now what? i didn't regret.. so yea.. go for her..

i wanna take literature.. Lit's cool okay.. you get to understand things other people don't.. cos it actually means much more than diffusion in the small intestines.. haha

yay! Last Tomorrow is getting better after each session.. according to window crowds..
sores hit my throat..
and boy do i love Red Hot Chilli Peppers! haha.. they're good man..
alot of people know senses fail already.. ah! i'm gonna cry now..

its hard to make "skillful" music and getting it to be "listenable" to the public at the same time.. well it's true.. look at Dream Theatre, play it on the radio and they'll think its metal.. haha dumbasses..

Jesus, you are my best friend
and you will always be
and nothing will ever change that

thank you

2005-08-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

i thank you safith.. you made me feel abit better.. i love you! but not in a gay way..

today, was okay..
still crushed.. i don't know what people are saying behind my back you know.. ah but wtf rumours are rumours..

i don't who my real friends are.. well saf is one.. haha.. yea man..

i need to learn crazy vocalist moves.. haha.. i just saw the senses fail dvd.. like oh my! haha! buddy is so cool..

there's nothing to say about except, you are cute.. and i'm not.. no use telling you this cos no one knows who this person is..

With every passing moment,
it just keeps getting worse
The walls are getting smaller
and I am six feet beneath the earth.
And I will be, oh I will be, just lost.

ah!

2005-08-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

maybe i will never learn the difference between infatuatio and love huh?
flirting is dangerous.. you know?

well today, i went for festival of praise.. well at least outside.. we didn't get in.. haha.. crap.. i really wanted to go.. i'll see tomorrow if anyone would ever wanna go with me.. which i guess no one would want to.

right now, someone is standing out from the crowd.. i see her.. i don't know is she sees me coming on to her.. am i too obvious? or will the crowd not allow me to go through and push away instead? i need her to pull me away from the crowd and accept me.. not to leave me and not even notice my efforts.. but efforts are nothing when they get rejected.. help me already! someone please!

i don't whats happeneing to me these past few days.. i feel really useless already.. i need a rush again.. i need something to inject me and spur me to go on.. i need God.. that concert would've really helped but i guess its God's will for me to be turned away from the gate when it was full..

to my drumming, i hope that the forming of Paradoxus will help me improve and hopefully become a professional one day.. i wanna prove to people that i have something.. but its hard when you're in a school full of drummers.. God help me..

Can I get your hand to write on
Just a piece of lead to bite on
What am I to fly my kite on
Do you want to flash your light on
Take a look its on display - for you
Coming down no not today

Did you meet your fortune teller
Get it off with no propeller
Do it up it's always stellar
What a way to finally smell her
Pick it up it's not to strong - for you
Take a piece and pass it on

insecurity

2005-08-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

everyone goes through this period.. and no.. its not pms-ing.. sometimes, you just don't know who your real friends are.. you don't know where you stand and what you're good at or what doing doing things you do mean to you..

i have no idea why why people tend to overate people.. some things amaze others when it doesn't to others.. why compliment someone when you don't know a shit about what he's doing and how easy it is and what "good" is.. man!

i'm still tired.. after concert.. at least its all over and now, slack for band and hello exams.. crap..
no rest at all.. i shall get myself organised this vacation..

concert was okay.. and i thank all my friends for coming down..thanks for the flowers..

i think i'm ugly, i mean i know..

jammed today, and it was fine.. except the Wee Lee uncle kept thinkning we were scolding him and he almost told us to leave.. he was just being an ass.. my god..

and oh! haha.. GC sucks.. omg.. MTV is still stupid.. ROCK IT is screwed up.. haha.. yea.. call good-charlotte rock.. call them punk-rock?! haha!

I had a dream last night and in my dream I robbed a country club.
A 5 year old tried to stop me, but I shot him through the head,
and now he's dead.
But every dream could never come true.
Only in my sick mind can I do these things to you.

music music music

2005-07-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

i've only realised that i haven't played soccer for like a two months until just now..
my god.. haha.. this really shows how i am into music and practising it recently.. i mean soccer, the sport that used to be the Proirity of my life!

well, maybe i've realised which goal was more possible and which one i actually had a chance at.. i don't.. i shrug..

last tomorrow is being threatened..by its own members.. i don't know whats happening.. one time daniel says he wanna quit.. and then he wants to jam tomorrow.. what the heck la.. please.. make up your mind..so we can get another guitarist if you're gonna quit.. please, we're getting tooooo emo here, hello?

sigh.. i'm in a serious need of cash here.. if someone would wanna donate to me or the Last Tomorrow, please contact me.. please.. any amount will do.. Mics, cymbals, sticks, guitars or picks? whatever.. please give us, cos we need.. haha.. seriously..

life has been fine.. still happy.. but not as much as last week.. i've been jamming at least once every three or two days.. i think four times a week..

back into what i thought i knew,
these words inside me tell me what to do.
my heart held in the palm of your hand..
forget my name...

B-Quartet

2005-07-24T21:03:00.000+08:00

yea.. Bani is a bloody good drummer and cool la! haha.. the vocalist's hand gestures are nice too.. b-quartet is a good band man.. i mnea he just threw away his specs when it was slipping la.. haha! nice one sia.. woo!

School of Rock was fine.. semi-finalists were good. RushTrend didn't got in.. haha.. well yea.. better luck next time guys..

next year, you are so gonna see Last Tomorrow there.. we should be joining.. anyway, there was alot of posers there la.. almost every clique had some in an Atticus or Famous shirt.. damn poser la. bloody mats and minahs.. what the heck is "Emily the Strange" supposed to mean.. i would laugh at you if you have a product of her.. its ame man.. stop acting Goth!

retarded.. i am not with Jasel okay!? haha.. we're not together.. man..
i must say that emo and emocre is getting spread pretty fast.. SO STOP!

I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that I'm just scared to live
I think that the truth is I'm scared
I think that the truth is I'm everything that I hate.

setbacks

2005-07-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

major setbacks man..

number 1: i couldn't go for Avery's party.. which i really wanted to go to to watch CFB, Caracal..
i haven't even seen a local emo band.. i bet Joey, Mossy, Shaun and whoever went are having great time..

number 2:i dunno.. i thought i had another setback a but i forgot about it.. haha.. nevermind..

well yea..
my dad didn't let me go for the party and explained why.. so i'm fine with it now.. its okay..

tomorrow's service is gonna be a real blast.. gonna be real good and all.. so if you wanna come, call me..

tomorrow's the semi-finals of School of Rock too.. so what? no emo bands no use.. but i'm gonna go there to make fun of the bands.. haha.. yea..

we went jamming yesterday, and i must say, we sounded really good and the big room.. like bloody better la.. i don't like jamming at Wee Lee anymore.. the uncles are really f-ups...

today's on fire,
the sky is bleeding above e
and i am blistered..

2005-07-21T20:46:00.000+08:00

hello.. i'm back..

we had sex ed two days ago.. and haha, its real funny.. well they don't teach sex but about the other sex.. some guys were like, experts or maybe perverts.. haha yea..

i've made some observations for the past few days:
obsvervation 1: Marcel Lee's not that bad la..
obsvervation 2: my hair's really short now.. haha
obsvervation 3: Ms liew's not that.. cos she just complimented me! like haha!

so yea.. they're not like i've made an invention or whatever... its just important to me.. hah..
and yes Gabrielites, the Principal knows that he has a hate-account on friendster.. he told us..

i don't really know what to write anymore la.. just one thing to say..

you won't improve if you live on a compliment or a praise, it just signals you to do something more.. oh whatever, i'm no good and "confucius says" la.. haha

You know me too well,
She's sorry and I can tell.
Scene missing, fade to black.
You're acting all this out again,

Wed the 20th

2005-07-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

disappointed.
sad.
happy.
confused.
tired.

i'm feeling all of that. but despite it, i'm still hapy.. haha i have no idea why..

yes, we jammed today.. not really that good.. i'd say today was one of the worsts la..
crap.. i need to add more bass to y voice.. we recorded and listened and i think the vocals wasn't really that good.. wel, what to do? pratice.. practice.. got new song to listen to and practice.. right now its, what it is to burn-finch, letters to you-finch, juneau-funeral for a friend, seven years-saosin and bite to break skin-senses fail..

i'm friggin tired.. i can't find time to sleep.. ah! i sleep now and then between lessons and missing notes! ha!

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeel
red light, can't stop, so i spin the wheel

phew

2005-07-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

man.. i got a scare when Joey called me up to say that we were performing for Avery's party.. well luckily Saf can't go so we're not playing.. haha.. i don't think we're ready la.. more practice.. well, God's will anyway.. it's not your fault Saf..

monotomy is killing me and i haven't started studying as the CTs are really coming at me fast..

pressure is mounting ah! well at least jamming can take away some of it.. we're jamming tomorrow yay! haha... come see us if you're free.. yea..

2005-07-17T21:20:00.000+08:00

isn't it irritatin when you're about to buy something with all your change and you're just short of 5 cents and then you'll have to put back you're coins and use your notes.. haha yea. it happened to me today..

and yes! ZeroSequence has an upcoming gig! check out http://www.zerosequence.cjb.net/...
please go and support..

i must say that the special number for the youth day at church is going pretty well.. apart from the fact i haven't practiced with everyone yet.. haha..

i have no idea why i feel so happy.. maybe i've found completeness? haha no.. i still don't have girlfriend.. i dunno why but i've been contented and happy since yesterday.. haha.. yes.. thnk God..

2005-07-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

too lost in my eyes to say a thing,
and i'm made like an assasin to kill the King,
to get a shot at this, not to be conceived,
and now you say that you always loved me

and i won't be good enough to make this last,
or get the best of you or me..

thats a sample song i just cooked up in 10 minutes.. haha nice huh? but no meaning.. haha

well had a long day in school at band today.. pretty screwed up la.. eveyone doesn't come nowadays... haha.. had fun after it though... joey and dan threw a bomb bag at closing lift door which had some old guy in it..

haha... i hope to jam on monday.. yea.. have fun again...yay! haha

well goodnight to your sister for me..

jessica alba

2005-07-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

i just watched Fantastic Four and i think Jessica Alba is bloody hot la!
haha... yes i'm shallow.. haha...

i think i'm too sensitive too... i tend to misread things too often...i get angry at things that don't even happen.. well yea sorry guys... i thought i was out..

HOWEVER, i do think the Last Tomorrow is getting better after each and every practice.. please do see us jam and give anyone of us a call to make an appointment..

i have nothing more to say, but Jessica Alba! but no i'm not desperate.. haha

MEW!

2005-07-14T18:53:00.000+08:00

yes! i remember now! the band's name is Mew! yes.. awfully nice vocals! like man, its alomost like cove reber! haha.. psychedelic..

you know, i've thinking..about Metal.. no not the alloy metal, but the Metal rock.. alot of people regard it as "satanic".. but it depends how you look at it and why you play or listen to it.. cos most people look at genres by the vocals.. which isn't right.. well, maybe you should also look by
the instrumental view(guitars riffs, solos, hammer-ons and all).. from what i see, metal-heads or those who play metal, are skilled.. i mean, the way they stand in the ranks.. understand? maybe not.. but bottomline is, metal-players are good.. well, most are.. the other point is why you listen to or play metal.. if you play it just because you wan to get better in that particular instrument, then its fine.. but if you play it to worship the One Below, then something's definitely wrong with you..

well the same goes with stereotyping people.. i do get alot of people calling mat when they don't even know me or the thin line between being mat and emo.. and yes.. they can't tell apart between mixedblood and malays.. but yes.. you do need good impression to have curiosity to want to know someone.. well, yes i do that.. but i don't judge..

well tomorrow we can wear almost anything to school.. well crap.. i dunno.. i still think Mew rocks..

please..

2005-07-12T19:30:00.000+08:00

Dan, Saf, Joey, Kenneth... please give me time.. yes, i am practice the f out of my bloody lungs just to hit that "Seven Years" octave.. please understand..

"Bottom Line
Don't be too critical of somebody. Sure they could do it better. But they're trying.
In Detail
You're not easy to distract from your dreams, whether they're daydreams or night dreams, especially if they feature a leading lady or leading man. At the moment, it will be even tougher for you to avert your attention from dreams, particularly if someone you care for is doing their level best to grab your attention, which they most certainly will be. If there's any way you can manage it, get away from it all -- together. It's all you'll both be thinking of, anyway."

i got this from my friendster.. this my "horoscope" for today.. though i don't believe in them but they're kinda true.. how ironic..

we're planning to meet Kenny tomorrow.. i don't even know who he is.. but well, i just hope he prints our shirts and not run away with our money.. and why thank you Jasel for buying a tee from us.. i never thought that would happened.. haha..

i need to start running like bloody long.. i need to get strong lungs to sing higher, at least that was what Elroy told me..

dreams.. what are they to me? will they take place? i mean its not wrong but.. what chances do you have in your dreams..but of course if you dream to be someone who peels apples for a living, that wouldn't be too hard would it? but to be a musician? like man.. i think 6 out of 10 persons, they would like to be a musician.. man.. thats slim..

-sigh. like crap.. i don't wanna talk about the dy as i don't think no one would wanna know unless you're really mad about me, which chances are very slim you would.. tests are starting to pile up and so are homework and pressure..

Mark! thank you!

2005-07-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

yay! the tagboard is on. i know how to roughly do a blog! yay!
thanks to mark!

went to Wee Lee to jam today and yea.. the Last Tomorrow! hah! man.. kept i-dunno-what-you-call-that screeching.. well i dunno.. i'm a no good vocalist man.. i need to practice practice.. they said i kept editing the notes and they said it was not blending.. well what to do, you take comments and work on them... i'm gonna practice practice and sing like Cove.. well as for drums,
i was thinking, i think i really suck.. seriously.. maybe ego has gotten into me.. Safith's getting better than me man..
now, i don't really know what i'm good at.. someone seems to be better than in everything.. like, dammit.. i'm freaking sad right now..

i need someone.. not just someone but someone special-someone..

i need a new MP3.. iPOD's broken.. screw APPLE.. now i have to go to school with nothing in my ears.. so boring!

i should really start studying now and practice on drumming and the songs we're doing on..

sunday! yay!

2005-07-10T19:46:00.000+08:00

don't you just love sundays? i love going to church.. not only because i really really love GOD but
also because of the great friends there...
the kids, the friends, the jokes, the laughter, the music, the instruments, the atmosphere... phfoo..

yay! Dale's back...i missed you, you fatty.. haha.

i kept listening to Saosin's Seven Years.. i realised the vocals were psychedelic, very high..
hard to sing.. i kinda miss listening to psychedelic music.. i forgot that band's name.. they were good..
sometimes i wonder why the hell i'm putting drums aside and try to improve my voice...
its kinda wierd you know.. i can't believe i'm doing this either.. i just wish the Last Tomorrow can go a long way..

stupid hormones.. haha.. crush after crush.. like this girl, like that.. my god.. Paolo, stop already man..
i keep doing the same crap eberytime.. man.. dammit.. i guess this is part of growing up huh?

i was checking out my friendster and i found out that some people who, um, couldn't spell properly..
some spelled "you" as "euu".. some couldn't type properly, like, TyPIng LiKE Tis LoLX.. that was friggin lame.. haha

i'm confused what to do tomorrow.. confused... ah! i also wanna get i bar for double pedals.. i realised that i had two DW 6000 pedals.. haha! how cool is that.. WOO! only need a bar.. someone tell me where to get one... i also wanna get a mic of my own.. a good one.. well, i'm only lacking one thing to do these.. MONEY! haha

i'm also fed up with today's corporate radio.. pop shit and stuff.. i mean, what the heck is up with Simple Plan and God Charlotte? are they even good? I think Kuya Reuel's(ZeroSequence's bassist) is better than their basissts.. i don't get Britney Spears and Linsay Lohan.. i think their lyrics are screwed with no purpose and meaning... they say they want to do music which everyone can relate to.. well the problem is, not everyone is famous and rich like you okay? dumbass..

i put in alot today.. i thought these really need to be said again... oh well..

this shit is scewed up

2005-07-09T19:39:00.000+08:00

i don't know how to use this crap.. someone teach me to...

joey and daniel keep fighting. like damn it la guys...
if you guys keep fighting the band's really gonna break or sooner or later someone's gonna have to quit.. and we don't want that do we? so STOP FIGHTING!

i'm screwed up... things keep popping up into me and i don't know whether to close it or just to minimise and come back to it later or open it... problems! argh!

Daphne Loves Derby's real nice... they make me happy and sad at the same time.. very nice music indeed..